Friday Night Mayhem

This one is for you Chris, you whiny little bitch.

I'm drunk and just broke into my own place because I grabbed the wrong key off my keychain...

99 Problems, You are every one.

4 am.

6 cups of coffee, 1 paper, 2 bulletins, 2 drasically different and equally fulfilling conversations, and soon to be 1 blog post down. I'd say a very productive all nighter, considering the 3 part Criminal Analysis paper I just emailed in to my professor was due 10 hours ago.

What better setting than my dark living room, soft glow of the television after the cable box has gone to sleep, and the sounds of various choice songs coming softly out of my laptop to write up this post?

Unfortunately, the crack-like symptoms brought on by the shotgunning of strong brew causes my hands to twitch like MJF in an earthquake and my thoughts to be as coherently solid as a Salvador Dali timepiece.

I want to put something interesting here. I want to entertain you. I can't. I'm not sorry so much as I it occurs to me after failing several times to put something of sustance here that I really don't frakking care about your amusement at this moment. In fact it is now my volition to offend you, and I'm going to try to reach out to as many people as possible to do this. Only those who either understand me very well or are as frakking apathetic as me will not be offended, and to you I say, fuck off.

I hate blacks. They act something special. You're not. You're just another dumb nigger who thinks you deserve respect because your relatives hundreds of years ago were taken advantage of by white men. Hey, we developed our brains faster than your dumb asses, get over it.

Women need to stop complaining about every little thing. News-fucking-flash, men do not give a shit about any of your problems. We have problems of our own and most of them are trying to provide for your money grubbing whore self. The other problems are trying to figure out how to get away from your crazy bitching. And we don't by your "period" story. At least try to find another excuse, that one's been used up and we are sick of hearing it, and yes your sister is hotter than you.

Foreigners... Just stay the fuck out of our country. Keep your goddamned problems to yourself. If you can't make enough money because your nation is poor and dirty and leeching off of ours, remember this, in only a few hundred years we made our country one of the most prosperous in the world. You've had a lot longer and you still you fail at life. Trying to deal with your shitty country has brought ours into an economic regression. Thanks a fucking lot. And terrorists, get a better fucking hobby, the world doesn't give a shit about your struggle from oppression. We have to put up with blacks and we never crashed a plane into your shitstorm of a country.

I think all organized religion is a complete joke. Seriously I laugh at you. There is no God, how the hell can you believe that fairy tale? Do you belive in Santa and Godzilla too? Look at science, theres documentable and quantifiable proof that we decended from a monkey, which decended from a fish... Are you really stupid enough to believe a book written by a guy doing some ancient form of pot? You should join the closest cult and drink the punch, please. (Sidenote: This is a pathetic jab at religion I know, but I'm trying to move quickly, back the fuck off)

Your baby is ugly, I don't care what you think or what people tell you. Same goes for your fat ugly ass.

Anyone who has ever looked at a teenage girl and gotten an erection, I have nothing to say to your perverted ass, I agree.

I have no problems fucking your girlfriend, I'll even tell you about it. Your girlfriends pussy is dank though, you can thank me for that one.

Your girlfriend is also a bitch, and if she wasn't offering me her sweet pussy, my fist would be making frequent trips to her face. Keep that bitch in line, please.

We are not causing global warming, the Earth is coming out of an ice age, of course it's going to warm up, we contribute neglibly to this effect. Litter more, drive harder, and kill penguins.

Abort your fetuses. We don't need any more kids sucking up our resources.

Republicans suck.

If you were offended by anything here, you are more hebetudinous than I previously claimed. Hang youself, post it on youtube, that's what all you little whiny faggots do these days.

How did I forget faggots? Don't marry, please. You disgust everyone around you. An entire population of you has AIDS for a reason. If there was a God, that would be Him telling you to die.

If I missed you, I apologize. Please feel free to be offended, regardless.

I masturbated at some point during typing this.

I hope this comes back to bite me in the ass.

Live from the Ritz

As I hunker down in what is a sports themed eating establishment, recovering from the effects of an Irish hot chocolate and muddling over the latest lecture from Philosophy, for which I'm glad I had the comfort of the Irish Hot C, I try to put my personal philosophy in perspective.

This, as I think on it more, is a very daunting task. Summing up anyone's personal views on Life, the Universe, and Everything seems like it would take any rational thinking being a bit more than the space of a single post. This being my case, though rational may be successfully argued against, my personal philosophy takes on, as I've learned in my brief stint in the philosophic world, a few basic ideas from several most notable Philosophers. And while their names for the most part escape me, again due in part to the whiskey infused chocolate drink I take regularly to this class, the basic premiss is still there and I shall do my best to descibe just how yours truly works, in my attempt to let you in on a dark world as yet mostly unexplored by anyone, including myself.

As I've grown over the last year, through a handful of experiences that range from legal to illegal to morally depraved, I've come to know a lot about myself, and now have the proper words to describe exactly who I have become. Here goes...

A large philosophic force in the early years of its progression was Ecipurianism. From what I gather from poorly taken notes, it's largest basis is that one should live a pleasureable life, seeking to maximize one's tranquility through knowledge and friendships and minimize stress and fear. However this life, while describes the underlying skeleton of my views, fails to go to the extents that I would. It also says that one should abstain as it were to the physical desires, of course being sex, lavish spending, and appetite satisfaction.

A more tame form of Hedonism, it does not quite allow the freedom I seek in my own life. And before you say, "Well, Jeremy, wouldn't Hedonism be what you are looking for then?" I would say, "Shut the f**k up and do not interrupt me." Hedonism, while it is quite tempting, treats pleasure as the Number 1 and puts far too little emphasis on a few other things in live I deem necessary.

One of those things is experience. So far, through the loose attention I've paid to class, I have not found the exact philosophic stance that would best explain, or at least support, my desire to experience life. The closest I've come was through David Hume. Hume was in short, an asshole. This is not an official philosophic community view, but the damned jack-off's largest contribution was to say that there is very little you say with absolute certainty. In an example given by Hume, and fitting to my seat next to a pool hall, if you can say that you saw a billiard ball traveling down a pool table, and label this Event A, then you witnessed a second billiard ball traveling down a pool table, Event B, you can not know with absolute certainty that these two events are connected.

I would put forth, my fist to Hume's face, Event A, and my continued barrage of insults and conjectures to his explaination. If I had witnessed these two events happening myself, and had seen the first ball hitting the second, I would be absolutely certain that the two events were linked through a series of physic's laws. Being an engineer, I could draw the Free Body Diagram in effect to prove this to Hume.

As every good lawyer is, as Hume was, he would have his counter arguement ready, and it is this: If the two events happened in close spacial and temporal proximity, it can be assumed they are linked... Fine, whatever you win this round due to my lack of patience to argue forth. Who win's the war? Well, Hume eventually when crazy and suffered a nervous breakdown. He then left his philisophical writings and played billiards, and the irony is evident. When he came back he had only this to say:

It is best to leave the frustration of thinking, and go out and experience life.

Well put. Apparently I take my philosophical views from a man who went temporarily insane and from a philosopher who couldn't get laid. Well not quite, like I said earlier, there is a lot more too it then what I will be able to put here, but this is the distilled version.

I also see an informal relationship as a trial-run for marriage, and therefore feel cheating is perfectly acceptable under several conditions. If something does not directly affect myself or someone I care about, it is not my problem, and unless I can save face by helping, I will in all likelyhood ignore the problem. Most people would simply call my an ass, myself included. If anyone is ever up for a more indepth discussion on any of it, I would be happy to oblige.

I feel Thursdays should be stricken from the calendar and a second Tuesday added in its place, perhaps Twosday? Write your Congressman...

Day 2, Post 2

I originally intended this as a bi-weekly updated venture, with the occasional side note as required to impart my wisdom and rants about life, but as I feel my introductory post lacked any real sustenance, I am going to make up for it.

Name: Jeremy

Occupation: Student, Engineer, Bringer of Joy and Harbinger of Death

Interests: Life, Bass guitar, Chocolate Milk

Jeremy Recommends: Living.

Sadly, in today's world people are focused too much on pop culture, fast food, and a cutthroat business world to take the time to live. They spend too much time behind a desk, in the meeting room, pouring over bills and reading pourly written blogs. This post is for those people. Pry your eyes from the computer screen, head out into the world with head held high and try some sushi, I heard the blowfish is delicious!

In your fast paced lackadaisical existence, you forget that the important part of life cannot be found on the television or online. It is not hiding in the game controller of your system of choice, and it certainly can not be found walled up in a cubicle where sunlight rarely graces. Life can only be found flirting with Death.

Wait. I do not mean to say that you should kill yourself, that's ridiculous. I do not want to lose the few readers I have. Instead put yourself in a potentially life threatening situation... with the added comfort of safety in mind of course.

Okay, let's start small. Hop behind the wheel of a sports car, head to the highway and open the throttle. Wind in your hair and hopefully that hotty riding shotgun, and the exhiliration of racing at blazing internet speeds! will do wonders for your body. First, the heart will start racing, your muscles will tense, your pupils will dialate and you will feel completely in control. Then you realize, as you step out of the sports car, and hopefully not into a cop car, your entire body feels alive. This my friend is the effect of adrenaline. Perhaps the greatest drug your body can produce. It's intoxication is mezmerizing, and you will always crave more.

If you do not have access to a nice Italian car complete with real Italian leather and a gorgeous Italian babe, try something else. Get creative. Try skydiving, swimming with sharks, gorge jumping. Most activities that have been tried and tested true by countless before you are completely safe but still offer that sense of near death. The body's natural reaction? Pumping a shot of adrenaline into your veins.

Trust me, its great. I've been getting my dose in different ways lately, and I am loving life.

With that, I'm off to refill my body's supply of Chocolate Milk.

Black is the New Black

Let me start by saying I already regret in every manner possible doing this blog. First off, this isn't something I do. I try to stay in the obscurity of namelessness until such a time as an opportunity presents itself to allow me to act accordingly with my inner child. This often results in either my making an ass of myself, or simply being an ass.

Secondly, I've always had the idea in the back of my mind that blogging was for either that metrosexual guy at the corner of the bar with a light gray sweatervest over his light blue collared shirt drinking a martini, fauxhawk and plucked eyebrows to match, or someone with enough articulate talent to be able to voice their overthough opinions on a worldwide forum with the hopes of either bettering the world or their career. I am not this guy, and am in fact the existential opposite. Those who know me tend to agree.

Thirdly, what I have to say is neither articulate, well thought out, purposeful nor entertaining. I simply would like to spread my inner child over the inner surfaces of the new age of technology. Global connection established... let's get down to the fun and dirty!

However, it seems even I have my limits to just how much I want to divulge at any one time, and I reached it somewhere around the first paragraph. I've already lost my interest in doing this blog. But I still need to voice my one last reason for my utter laments about blogging...

I need to start at the beginning... My friend and cohort, Britt (bnemecek.blogspot.com) started a blog recently as part of self-training for a weekly blog he will be publishing for the D&C. This reminded me how much I love blogging (sarcasm reserved for those who did not pay attention to my aforementioned hatred of blogging) and prompted me to also start one of my own. But as any blogger knows, a decent title for their blog is important, so after helping Britt with his title, I needed to think of one for myself, and went about in the usual way of finding one, personal influences and cultural catchphrases that would seem witty if not superbly devious in their vague description of how barren my life is of meaning. And this is where I met my first roadblock. All of my "original" ideas had already been taken, and most of them by people who have not posted a new blog since 2001! This is an outrage in the least! and I promptly gave up after a near hour of searching for the perfect obscure descriptor for my blog. Only after the smoke had cleared and rescue workers found my inner peace was I able to realize my downfall would be my answer.

If I really need to explain more, I'm sorry for you and all those you call friends.

Until next time, Peace Love and Rock n' Roll never hurt anyone it didn't kill...